2021 - Longing
Dear Friends and Family,
Welcome to the 16th annual Thanksgiving Missive. Once again, this is the time of year that I subject you all to me bearing my soul and declaring the reasons for my gratitude. This tradition started in 2006 as I was about to begin a new, and what turned out to be, final adventure in my very diverse financial services career. The message that year was to say “Thank you” to family, friends and colleagues who were part of that journey.
Annual Caveat
For those of you who have been part of this tradition, (some of
you from the very beginning), I hope that I have not bored you
with my narcissistic babble over the years. For those who are
new to this tradition I say, “Welcome!” As always, if anyone wants
to be excluded from these annual emails, please let me know. I
will not be offended, I promise.
I have often written about how I struggle at times to find gratitude, and this year was no different. As we progress through the different phases of the COVID-19 pandemic, and we suffer through the toxic and uncivil society in which we currently live, not to mention experiencing the pernicious influences of social media and the anxiety it evokes, it is sometimes difficult to focus on gratitude. At least it is for me. It is easy to fall into the trap of longing for the “simpler times” of the past. This truly is a trap. We forget that as we matured and progressed along our chosen path we often fell into that same trap of longing for moments in time when we thought life was better. At any point on our past journey there were challenges, and those challenges seemed to be the most daunting. Just as we feel that today’s challenges are difficult. They are difficult, and so were the challenges of the past. They were just different. My point is that instead of longing for the ever elusive “simple times”, maybe it makes more sense to realize that since there will always be challenges why not also try to focus on things that are good in our lives right now.
There are always moments for us to give thanks for the gifts of our lives. It may be difficult to recognize these gifts, they are there, nonetheless. Every breath you take is a special gift. (Apologies to Sting). The exquisite beauty of nature and our surroundings are right at our fingertips. This beauty we see right now is more real than the longing to replicate a memory of our past, no matter how pleasing that memory may be.
I loved the family members and friends who have passed, and I find joy when I remember their presence in my life. I loved our beautiful home in Maplewood and the memories I have of the time spent there, and we have a marvelous New York City apartment to make new memories. Of course, I miss them at times and when I find myself being sad, or longing for them, I try to remember that instead of creating a sense of longing, these memories are meant to bring joy.
In one of our meditation sessions our facilitator, the wonderful Jean Vitrano (https://www.jeanvitrano.com 😉), asked us to take a moment before going to sleep that night to focus on whichever physical senses each of us were blessed to possess, and to think of a pleasing sensation we experienced for each of those senses during that particular day. Was there anything that was pleasing to the eye? Did I hear the sounds of nature, or the train whistle, or Jeanmarie laughing at something on TV? Did I taste something wonderful that day? ….. You get the point.
It was an exercise to calm the mind and to fill it with good thoughts. It also had a greater purpose. When we focus on, and are grateful for, the good in our lives, it is during those moments that the longing disappears, and we are content with the present. Taking these few moments each night allows me to appreciate the good in my life, and also allows me to feel that whatever challenges tomorrow may bring there will also be moments of good to enjoy, however small they may seem at the time.
What does bring me joy everyday are the people in my life, my family and my friends. We are so grateful for our three amazing daughters. Katty and Tim finally were able to have their wedding (damn COVID!) and moved into their townhouse in Jersey City. Erin and Jhawer moved into a townhouse in Rahway, and Maura and Anthony are living in Maplewood in a great house she bought this year. The memories of them as children growing up in Maplewood bring me joy as does seeing them create their own individual stories as they continue on their own journeys.
Jeanmarie and I celebrated 40 years together in February and the memories of those 40 years continue to bring me joy just as we are enjoying being “city folk” in our new exciting adventure. (If you run into Jeanmarie, ask her how she likes living in the city 😁.)
Everyone, please have a safe Thanksgiving and holiday season. Please be kind and civil to one another. Any may your memories bring you joy!
In gratitude and love,
Tom (a/k/a TK, Kernsy, #papakerns, Hit Man, Grandpa, the Professor, Face, Mr. Bean, PT (poor Tom), Timbo, and of course “Tickles” – don’t ask).
p.s. For those of you who are new to this tradition and would like to read past “missives” I have created a blog this past year and have posted all of the missives going back to 2010 (I still have not found copies of the missives from 2006 through 2009. If anyone has them, I would be grateful if you would forward them to me. They were sent from work emails, and I never kept them, thanks). Here is the link to the missives in the blog, https://www.papakernsblog.com/thanksgiving-missives
Also, if you do visit https://www.papakernsblog.com you will see that I have begun to write about different things. I don’t intend to add contacts or notifications to the blog (mostly because I don’t know how to do that yet), but feel free to check back I see what I’ve written, if you are so inclined. - PapaKerns