It’s time!! I am about to embark on a daunting and frightening journey. One that is selfish at its core, but one I suspect may prove useful, at least for me. Forces exist that, up to now, I have been unable to capture. My desire to finally attempt to corral them is not to tame but to understand them, and once understood to let them free to do what they will do.

As far back as I can remember I knew there were words, ideas or even a moral reckoning that needs to be dissected, understood and communicated. However, any attempt to unleash these forces has been prevented by the almost equally powerful force of ego driven doubt in the very person whose soul they inhabit. Mine!! Lurking inside of me is a gut feeling that I had the ability, or at least the opportunity, to be impactful with my words. This may come across as egotistical, or maybe even a bit narcissistic, but this feeling does not come from a misplaced belief of superiority. It’s just there. It’s always been there. Ironically it has been the ego that has prevented me from accessing, and has muted, what truly lies within my soul. The fear of how others would perceive these views and the anticipated judgement has resulted in me tamping down the passions within me. I have even been tormented by my inability to communicate these feelings in a way that is worthy of their meaning. The first of the Toltec “The Four Agreements” as per Don Miguel Ruiz is “Be impeccable with your word.” I find that I have difficulty doing that with the spoken word. I don’t always find the right words to convey the meaning of what I want to say. Writing my thoughts is easier for me. It is my hope that making this leap of faith and attempt to be impeccable with my words I can exorcise this selfish torment, and by baring my soul it might be helpful to others who struggle with similar moral questions.

As is the case with many journeys, deciding where (and when) to begin is difficult. There are so many thoughts and questions rattling around my brain. They have become muddled, as if they were crayons from a box that all melted together resulting in a lifeless and dull non-color. As I embark on this journey I hope to begin to extract each color, one by one, to get a clearer understanding of each of them. This will not be easy or quick. In fact this will be a long journey. I suspect my views and perspectives will evolve as I broaden the scope of my discoveries. I hope to learn from those who decide to comment on what I write (as long as you are kind). I must shed my ego driven stubbornness and accept this evolution allowing new, even contradictory, views to emerge.

I should also note that I do not ever intend to be offensive or hurtful in anyway. If something I write is offensive I want to know about it. I want to learn. Please let me know, help me understand. I am listening.

Writing this introduction has already provoked anxious feelings, but enough!! It’s time! Time to face and unleash these hidden forces. Onward…..