2020 - We Are Resilient

Dear Friends and Family,

Welcome to the 15th annual Thanksgiving Missive. Once again, this is the time of year that I subject you all to me bearing my soul and declaring the reasons for my gratitude. This tradition started in 2006 as I was about to begin a new, and what turned out to be, final adventure in my very diverse financial services career. The message that year was to say “Thank you” to family, friends and colleagues who were part of that journey.

For those of you who have been part of this tradition, (some of you from the very beginning), I hope that I have not bored you with my narcissistic babble over the years. For those who are new to this tradition I say, “Welcome!” As always, if anyone wants to be excluded from these annual emails, please let me know. I will not be offended, I promise. (BTW, I still have not found copies of the missives from 2006 through 2009. If anyone has them, I would be grateful if you would forward them to me. They were sent from work emails and I never kept them, thanks)

To state the obvious, the purpose of the Thanksgiving holiday is to set aside one day each year to give thanks and show gratitude for what is good in our lives and for the people who are in our lives. Thanksgiving is religious in origin, and for many it still is as they give thanks to the God or higher power they worship. For others, like myself, it is a day to reflect and focus on being grateful and having an appreciation for our lives and the people in them. In essence, gratitude is the day’s purpose. As I said, this may seem obvious, but in 2020 I’m feeling that stating and reinforcing the obvious may be needed.

Speaking of 2020, (I know, “do we have to?”), let’s not sugar-coat it. It has been, and continues to be, a tough year. Last New Year’s Eve we celebrated bringing in the new year in England, sharing the festivities with our daughter’s (Katty) future in-laws. I can remember some of us saying “Good riddance, 2019. Bring on 2020”, as we had lost some close family members and experienced other challenges during the year. I guess this can be filed under “be careful what you wish for”. The global pandemic, social unrest and political uncertainty has increased the level of individual and collective anxiety not experienced during most of our lifetimes. It may seem difficult to find anything for which to be grateful. However, that’s the thing about gratitude, there is always something for which you can be grateful.

I always review the missives from past years to make sure I’m not being repetitive. However, something I wrote in 2016 resonated with me this year; “Gratitude is healing. When I am experiencing a challenge or some distress in my life, I find a healing power in focusing on the positive things and wonderful people in my life now and in my past. In that moment that I am truly focused on the good, the bad disappears, even if only for a moment. Living a life with gratitude allows me to heal.” To say it another way, Gratitude is resilience.

Before I expand on what I mean be “gratitude is resilience” I want to reiterate what I’ve said in the past. It is important to understand, for me at least, that being grateful for what is good and for the people in our lives does not erase the challenges that we face. Gratitude allows us to better cope with those challenge. As an example, our community lost a good man this past year. He was well known throughout the community as someone with a big heart and a big personality, (some may have thought it was too big 😄). On Facebook someone was offering condolences and wrote, “I hope your memories of him will someday bring you peace.” That is often said when someone passes away, and it’s such a wonderful offering. Your gratitude for the memories of your deceased loved one does help with coping with that loss. Those memories, and the gratitude that is felt as a result, provides resiliency to continue on. Some of our family members are currently battling serious illness, and this makes us sad and scared. At the same time, we can feel grateful that we can be there for them during their time of need, which helps us cope with the sadness and fear. This is what I mean by “gratitude is resilience”.

When we think of resiliency, we usually look at others and admire that they were able to survive challenges and obstacles that were in their way. What we tend to forget is that we, too, are survivors. We have all survived challenges in the past, especially this past year. Let’s focus on, and be grateful for, that resiliency. Even if we are facing challenges at the present moment, I believe it is important to recognize the power of resiliency within you. As my friends, Tammy and Christen (who are the founders of She’s the First), write in their new book, “Impact”, “What knocks each of us down varies widely, but the resilience it takes to get back up is what we have in common.” This Thanksgiving I will be celebrating that common resiliency. I hope you all can do so as well.

In addition to my resiliency, there are many other reasons for which to grateful. We have sold our home in Maplewood. Maplewood is the place we called home and raised our three daughters, so leaving it was, and continues to be, difficult. However, it was the time we spent with friends, watching our daughters grow and mature, and the amazing memories we have of those 25 years that continue to bring us joy. We are now renting a great apartment in downtown Manhattan in the building that Jeanmarie has had her eye on for many years. We are so looking forward to what this new leg of our journey will bring.

We are grateful that our girls are healthy and safe. Katty and Tim are having a “tiny” house built in England, Maura is student teaching and will graduate this January, and Erin is about to move into her new townhouse next month. As always, they continue to amaze me, and I am so grateful that I get be a witness to their journeys.

Jeanmarie continues to be my guiding light. This February 1st will be our 40th anniversary. It’s hard to believe that someone, never mind someone as amazing as she, would put up with me for that long. I am so grateful for her love and guidance that she showed me during those 40 years.

Everyone, please have a safe Thanksgiving and holiday season. Please be kind and civil to one another. We are all resilient and will get through these tough times together.

In gratitude and love,

Tom (a/k/a TK, Kernsy, #papakerns, Hit Man, Grandpa, the Professor, Face, Mr. Bean, PT (poor Tom), Timbo, and of course “Tickles” – don’t ask).