2018 - Impermanence

Dear Friends and Family,

Welcome to the 12th annual Thanksgiving Missive. Once again, this is the time of year that I subject you all to me bearing my soul and declaring the reasons for my gratitude. This tradition started in 2006 as I was about to begin a new, and what turned out to be, final adventure in my very diverse financial services career.  It was a difficult time at home as Jeanmarie was recovering from her spinal cord surgery, and at the same time a very exciting time in my career. The message that year was to say “Thank you” to family, friends and colleagues who were part of that journey.

For those of you who have been part of this tradition, (some of you from the very beginning), I hope that I have not bored you with my narcissistic babble over the years. For those who are new to this tradition I say, “Welcome!” As always, if anyone wants to be excluded from these annual emails, please let me know. I will not be offended, I promise. (BTW, if anyone has the “missives” from 2006 through 2009 I would be grateful – see what I did there 😊 – if you would forward them to me. They were sent from work emails and I never kept them, thanks)

First, a real-life experience:

This year the concept of gratitude slapped us in the face….hard.  Back in January we were enjoying a wonderful family vacation in Hawaii on the island of Maui. Katty, her boyfriend Tim, and Erin were with us. Maura couldn’t get the time off from work so, unfortunately, she was unable to make the trip. This was an amazing vacation (duh!, Hawaii). It was Saturday morning, January 13th, Katty and Tim were getting ready to head to the airport a day earlier than the rest of us as they were leaving to go back to South America (where they were living at the time), when Erin shouted, “UH GUYS!!??” She just received an alert on her phone that read, “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL” Then all of our phones started getting the alert. I was skeptical and went to CNN.com which, oddly,did not have any news of this threat. However, when we put on the TV the same warning was being blasted on all the major stations and the resort was announcing over the loud speakers for everyone to take shelter. So, while some of us were still skeptical, (denial?), Jeanmarie and Katty were not and went into survival mode. Katty closed all the drapes (in case of glass shattering) and we all grabbed the snacks and water that we had in the rooms and went into a bathroom that was away from the windows. Then we waited.

As we all sat there somewhat stunned, (and some of us still skeptical), we all told each other how much we love one another and at the same time our thoughts went to Maura who was back home. I was thinking that she must be really scared (assuming that this must be big news by now), Jeanmarie was upset that she would be all alone and devastated about losing her entire family, and Katty said we should send her a message. In case she was unaware of what was going on we simply texted “We love you”. (Afterwards Maura said she was unaware until after the fact and thought nothing of the text other than thinking, “aww”. She said we often send texts like that, so it wasn’t unusual. Which is actually pretty cool). We then had about 15 minutes to reflect before the all clear was announced. We were all amazed how calm we were and Jeanmarie even said, “well, if this is it, I had a really good life”.  When the all clear was announced, the sense of gratitude was overwhelming for all of us and our thoughts immediately went to the bar downstairs and Bloody Marys. 😊 They were the best damn Bloody Marys we ever had.

This year’s gratitude theme is about “impermanence”:

Over the years I’ve discussed my gratitude in terms of focusing on the present moment, “stop and smell the roses” kind of thing. This appreciation for the current moment was not always easy for me when I was younger.  I was always looking at the next step, the next goal to attain, or relishing (or regretting) moments in the past. I struggled to appreciate what I was feeling in the current moment. Unless, of course, I was given a task to do by Mr. Rowen at work, or something needed to be done at home. In those instances, my focus was on successfully completing the task (I had little choice 😊). It wasn’t until just the past few years that I was able to appreciate the actual moments as they were occurring. This isn’t to say that I still don’t rush through some days, scarfing down a meal without tasting it, driving by beautiful scenery hell bent on just getting to my destination, or experiencing those all-to-familiar “creature of habit” moments. However, now I am able to re-focus and slow down more often than in my younger days. (When I wrote that last sentence I was reminded of a line from It’s a Wonderful Life; “Ahh! Youth is wasted on the young.”) This appreciation for the current moment really does calm me. Focusing on what I have now, what has brought me to now – whether challenging or rewarding, and for what may lie ahead, regardless of what that may be, allows me to feel gratitude for what IS now.

As I began to re-focus on the current moment it became apparent that each current moment becomes the past as soon as it is experienced. While this now seems obvious to me conceptually, the transitory nature of our experiences is not often appreciated. Since they are impermanent, it makes sense to “grab hold” of each moment and relish the experience, otherwise the moment is gone and in the past. Therefore, I now try to be grateful for “now”.  Though I am grateful for my past, it cannot be changed. The future is what it will be based on what I do now. And while the moment is impermanent the impact of what I do in that moment is not. Therefore, I will do my best to focus on the present and to live each moment as if it will last.

As always, I am grateful beyond words for the love and guidance of my life’s partner, Jeanmarie, and the continual learning experience of being a parent. Even though Katty, Maura and Erin are all adults, living their own fulfilling lives (for which I am extremely grateful), I continue to learn from them and because of them.

Lastly, another real-life experience:

Recently our son-in-law had to endure many weeks of chemo-therapy to eradicate testicular cancer for which he was diagnosed in July. We are all grateful that his treatment was successful and we’re so happy to announce that he is in remission. SO GRATEFUL!!

It's been quite a year!

Everyone, please have a safe Thanksgiving and holiday season. Please be kind and civil to one another and I wish you all future “nows” filled with peace, contentment and gratitude.

In gratitude and love,
Tom (a/k/a TK, Kernsy, #papakerns, Hit Man, Grandpa, the Professor, Face, Mr. Bean, PT (poor Tom), and of course “Tickles” – don’t ask)