It was 20 years ago today....
Dear Katty, Maura and Erin
Much has occurred in your lives, our lives and in the world since your Uncle TJ was killed by ideological extremists 20 years ago. You grew up in a world that was so much different than the world in which mom and I knew as children and young adults. I guess that’s true for most generations, however I can’t imagine that the pace of change for past generations was anywhere near how quickly the world changed during your young lifetime. Of course, technological enhancements, the digital age and the advent of social media did much to hasten the pace of change, but there was another kind of change to which I would like to discuss; the change in human behavior and the degradation of civility. I believe a good deal of this behavioral change began 20 years ago today.
Today is the 20th anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks, and I feel obligated to write about what is in my heart. Obligated to whom, I don’t know, to the three of you perhaps, or is it possibly just for me. There is much to say, and what has been the case lately, my mind is a jumble of emotions and thoughts, (thanks COVID). I’ll try my best to make some sense of them.
20 years ago, your uncle TJ was sitting at his desk on the 105th floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Center innocently doing his job when he was murdered by ideological extremists. For me, TJ was more than your mom’s brother and your uncle; he was also one of my best friends. His death and the manner in which he died was hard to process. He was not alone, of course, as 2,976 other innocent souls were also taken that day, in addition to over 4500 lives lost due to 9/11 related illnesses. Whenever we lose a loved one our lives change forever, we grieve and do our best to move forward. This was and is different. This didn’t just change the lives of Uncle T’s family and friends; it changed the world in many ways. Some of the changes are obvious, such as increased security measures everywhere and the resulting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but others are more subtle. To me it’s these subtle changes that are more worrisome and profound.
Before I get on my political and sociological soapbox, I need to recognize our personal loss. TJ was an icon in our family. He was larger than life, and when he entered the room, the whole dynamic changed. We miss him every single day. As you know, I worked for Wall Street firms for most of my career. So did Uncle T, so we had a bit of a special bond and spent many evenings discussing our jobs over dinner and/or cocktails (with the occasional cigar). As an aside, I always wondered why he was always in such better shape the morning after these often very intense nights. I once asked him and his reply was, “I pour”. Because he and Aunt Patty had three young daughters just like us, we spent a lot of time together before Uncle T died and especially after. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me and Mom to see that the bonds that were formed by the six of you remain strong today. TJ’s death created a huge hole in his family that will never, can never, be filled. I miss my friend. Mom misses her baby brother and I’m sure you miss your uncle. On the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I agreed to be interviewed for a local on-line news organization by a kind and empathetic journalist, Brooke Lefferts. Here is the link; https://patch.com/new-jersey/maplewood/remembering-tj-hargrave. Also, this past week mom, Uncle Jamie and Amy were featured in a Wall Street Journal article. Here is the link to that incredible article where they describe their journey over the past 20 years, https://www.wsj.com/articles/9-11-families-return-to-ground-zero-with-a-mission-trust-me-it-will-get-better-11631179801?st=ftwko2h1006apsi&reflink=share_mobilewebshare&fbclid=IwAR3ZLgWi2I7DF5JQgBrGRy2Q2l4Oo9p5lv3IdVf3xp2lvCOTGeDLSMHoIIE
2 decades have gone by since that horrific day, and so much has changed. It’s hard to escape the fact that millions of people have been murdered by groups with extremist views over the millennia. So, what makes the attacks of September 11, 2001 so meaningful? As a point of historical reference, 2976 died on that day which, based on numbers alone, does not come close to the number of souls lost in other atrocities over time. Genocides throughout history have resulted in the murder of millions of people. So, I ask again, from a historical perspective what makes the terrorist attacks on 9/11 so significant? In my view, it was the brutal manner in which it was executed combined with the fact that, because of technology, we were all able to view it in real time. I also believe there was a collective disbelief that this could happen in the United States of America, the safest and most powerful nation in the world. Our sense of safety was shattered. That explains the reaction on that day and the days and months that followed. But it was made more significant because of the actions of our leaders that then followed.
Prior to September 11, 2001, the politics of my generation was pretty much a spectator sport. Of course, there were issues that raised the public conscience and people got involved, and in some cases made lasting change. The most prominent of these perhaps was the civil rights and women’s rights movements of the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s which resulted in a sea change of public policy and legislation. Some would argue that the Vietnam War protests of the 1960s and 1970s influenced, and may have hastened, the end of America’s involvement in that conflict. Historians may disagree. Regardless, what inspired these movements were specific issues. They were important issues, of course, and we all watched them unfold, but they were single issue driven. In my observation, since September 11, 2001, assisted by the proliferation of the 24-hour so-called cable news channels and social media, interest in the politics of our nation went from voting and involvement in specific issues to an outright obsession.
In addition to the public’s increased involvement and interest in the minutia of politics, the nature of political discourse has changed as well, and not for the better. We are finding out more and more that the U.S. history lessons my generation was taught while growing up, while accurate with regards to dates and names, were a whitewash of our true history. One of the concepts that we heard repeatedly was that the United States of America was built on a foundation of “ideas”. As far back as the early years as a nation, the concept of governing based on a set of thoroughly dissected ideas, or as Alexander Hamilton wrote in the Federalist Papers, based on “reflection and choice”, has permeated the U.S. political discourse. The debate over these past 245 years has been whose ideas are the better ones. Robert F. Kennedy once remarked that, “Democracy is messy, and it’s hard. It’s never easy.” Given that we are a nation made up of such a diverse population where each or us come to the table carrying a lifetime of unique experiences and histories, coming to an agreement as to whose ideas are correct, or at least better has been messy. What we heard prior to the past 2 decades was that while we may differ in the ways to govern, we never disagreed that our goals were always what was best for the country as a whole. That was never true, of course, but the rhetoric was powerful. That smoke screen was torn down after September 11, 2001.
I recently heard someone advise that we should give ourselves permission to be honest. So this is me being honest. Unfortunately, girls, what you have experienced during your lifetime has been a degradation of the concept of civil discourse. Not just political discourse, but everyday human interaction. We no longer trust each other, and we view the other, not just differently or as being wrong, but as being evil! Again, I believe that while this increase in uncivil behavior has been augmented by social media platforms, this trend began in earnest because of the actions that followed those terrorist attacks. Recently mom and I were watching the National Geographic Channel’s 9/11 serial documentary, “One Day in America”. Much of the first couple of episodes was anchored with an interview with President George W. Bush. At one point he made the statement that, “the terrorists didn’t win.” With all due respect to the former president, this is just false. I admit that I may be more sensitive to a comment such as that due to our close connection to the event of that day. I should also say that I am not referring to the amazing courage of all of the first responders, and others, who were heroes on 9/11, nor am I referring to all the incredibly strong, resilient, and compassionate members of the 9/11 community, (survivors, family members, first responders), that continue to support and serve as well as fight the battle for survival. They are inspiring. However, honestly, after the rest of the country and most of the world let go of the collective hug that we experienced for the short time after 9/11, our lives and our discourse changed forever, and again, not for the good.
It has been 20 years and we still take off our shoes to get on an airplane.
It has been 20 years and we still walk through metal detectors to enter a ball game or concert.
It has been 20 years and we are still inundated with loudspeakers belting out “If you see something, say something.”
It has been 20 years and we still see military personnel in many places carrying long-guns.
These may only be inconveniences, but it is more than that…
It has been 20 years and many in this country, (and other countries), live in fear and hate of all Muslims and others who are not “like them”.
It has been 20 years and we still fear other foreign terrorist attacks, ironically more so than domestic gun violence that’s taken so many young lives.
It has been 20 years and over 75,000 U.S. soldiers and contractors have been killed in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan, never mind the tens of thousands of innocent civilians who were also victims of these conflicts.
These are all directly related, and obvious, to the U.S. government actions post 9/11. In a recent NY Times opinion piece the columnist wrote, “we are all covered forever with a bit of the ash from those towers.” I think that metaphorically sums up what I’m trying to say.
I don’t understand how “the terrorists didn’t win.” And it doesn’t end there. All we need to do is look back over the past number of years and see all the negativity and lack of civility that permeates our country (and the world). This note is not about Donald Trump, but I firmly believe that his ability to manipulate this lack of civility, and to put it bluntly, his ability to manipulate the fear, hate and racism which have all been exacerbated by the events of and since 9/11 is the reason he was able to motivate enough voters to become President in 2016. Our country has not seen a more dire time than since the civil war.
Ok girls, this turned out a bit more depressing than I intended, but the good news is that the future of our country is being put in the hands of your generation. Given what I have witnessed in the younger generations (for the most part), you are more empathetic yet hold those in power accountable, more involved, more motivated, kinder to those less fortunate and overall, more intelligent than those who came before you. My one cautionary comment is that for “world peace” to be possible, civility must be paramount. Civility does not mean weakness. You can still hold people accountable without resulting in, bullying, name calling, invective, or character assassination. Unfortunately, that is a concept those currently in power do not understand or necessarily believe.
I love you and end with a wish that your generation will one day experience world peace.
Dad